All the Things that I want on Biblical Grounds

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Ken Paxton, the scandal-ridden Texas attorney general and a close Trump ally, is up against Senator John Cornyn in a hotly-contested Senate primary. He was on track to unseat the sitting senator until Thursday, when his wife, State Senator Angela Paxton, announced that due to some “recent discoveries,” she had filed for divorce “on biblical grounds.”

Did he dishonor his father and mother?

Are we talking plagues of frogs? An issue of blood? What kind of biblical calamity are we talking here?

In case you haven’t been following Ken’s illustrious career, he’s been floating in a veritable ark of transgressions, so there are a lot of possibilities. Since taking office in 2015, dude has faced multiple scandals involving securities fraud and bribery. He was impeached in 2023 by the Texas House after he tried to use $3 million in taxpayer money to settle a a whistleblower lawsuit in which former staffers accused him of taking bribes from a real estate developer.

And get this: during said impeachment hearing one of his staffers testified that he had an extramarital affair with an employee of said real estate developer (so much sinning in such a small circle!) and remember that his wife, Angela Paxton is a state senator. So she sat through this testimony of her husband’s iniquities for two weeks.

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No one is saying exactly which unholy behavior his wife is referring to now, but it looks like adultery is high on the list again. It will also likely cost him the senate race. P.S. he also stole a $1,000 MontBlanc pen in a courtroom once and was caught in the metal detector, so stealing is on his long list of misdeeds, too. (Where do we find these guys??)

It’s satisfying to see a guy like this get his come-uppance, especially when it comes from his apparently too-long-suffering wife.

But I have to say the “Biblical Grounds” is the chef’s kiss. If only we could invoke “Biblical grounds” more often to oust guys with a long list of bad behavior.

There are so many things that I now want on Biblical grounds.

Off the top of my head,