Do White Parents Want to Be Anti-Racist?
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For any number of reasons – from attacks on DEI and the end of affirmative action to book banning campaigns to the fact that we’re in the midst of joyful celebrations of Black History Month — I thought it was a good time to re-up the most popular piece on Matriarchy Report: Lane’s essay from January 2022, “I'm the parent of a black child. Here's what I wish other white parents knew.”
Lane writes about how her daughter, then just a toddler, was just beginning to describe the world of race and racial bias, and reminds us that children develop a consciousness of racial hierarchy as young as three years old.
Research demonstrates, she writes, that “like a smog, middle-class white culture is presented as the norm or standard in the U.S..”
And many of us white people still raise children in ways that are “color mute.”
We don’t explicitly discuss race with our kids, and so the “smog” of white preference - and white privilege – fills our homes.
“If my three-year old is noticing and talking about race,” Lane writes, “so are all her white peers. They just aren’t talking about it because it’s not impacting them in ways that they notice or articulate.”
To understand how to open up conversation about race in her home, Lane turned to Jasmine Bradshaw, an educator who developed a whole set of curriculum around teaching kids and families to be more anti-racist.
Lane talked to her at length, and you can read the whole interview here, but I wanted to pull out this section, so that if you walk away with just one idea, it’s this one:
“A first step for kids is helping them secure their identity and understanding who they are. And then the second one is embracing diversity, embracing differences, understanding that differences are constant.
Jasmine goes on to say:
Anti-racism educator Britt Hawthorne says you spend the most time on the first two goals, because you can’t fight for justice, or understanding inequity, until you understand who you are, and how you fit in the world.
If you want to raise kids who can stand in solidarity with others and embrace difference, and can fight for injustice, you need to make sure that their identity isn’t wrapped up in whiteness.
“If they can start to really embrace their own identity, then they won't feel threatened when we need to break down white supremacy--because they won’t see themselves in it,” Bradshaw says.
First Name Basis is just one of many incredible resources available for white parents to undo racism in ourselves, our families and our communities.
Join the anti-racism or diversity committee on your kid’s school’s PTA. Do an “Undoing Racism” workshop with the People’s Institute for Survival and Beyond. I loved the training I did with AORTA, which teaches how to create inclusive, participatory workplaces.
In short: Just do something to live the values you hold deeply, and that you want to pass on to your kids.
As Jasmine Bradshaw told Lane: “If you just continue with what you're doing, if nothing changes — nothing changes.”
You can find Bradshaw’s “First Name Basis” podcast here, follow her on Instagram here, and subscribe to her Patreon community here. Her “Bite-sized Black History” program and Ally Elementary lessons for kids can be found here.