Also tbh I haven’t followed much about Taylor Frankie Paul but I feel like this is the story of so many women who get slammed back down once they start to have some kind of cultural ascendency…
This is another excellent analysis of the relationship between abuse and the patriarchal norms we all live under. Abusing women and children raises the status of men. That is a horror we should all be focused on dismantling. “How are the predators supposed to the protectors? Make it make sense.”
Thanks for pulling together the three threads that some see separately and all connect through patriarchy.
Every time I hear about Epstein and his billionaires I remind myself that in a small town in France nurses, clerks, and dentists recurrently raped an incapacitated woman.
In what ever town you live, including Happy Valley Mormonville, the structures of patriarchy create the conditions for abuse and domination.
This is the part people miss when they talk about leaving high-control religion: you don't just leave a belief system. You leave the infrastructure. The system managed so much: schedule, identity, purpose, community, daily rhythm. And you built your whole family inside it before you were fully formed yourself.
I have six kids and a grandson at 45. Most of my kids have pretty significant special needs. My marriage has been to the edge and back. And for years I could not have left even when I wanted to. Not because I didn't have the courage, but because I had built something so large, so load-bearing, that leaving would have collapsed it onto everyone I loved most.
That's the trap that doesn't get named enough. It's not just financial dependence, though that's real. It's structural dependence. You can't just dismantle the framework when six other people are living inside it.
What changed things for me wasn't fixing the marriage first. It was leaving the church. Removing the external authority didn't remove the weight. But it made room for something real underneath it. That's the part the system never could have given us. Connection that isn't load-bearing is a different thing entirely.
Absolutely on point! Thank you so much for writing and sharing! This means a lot as a survivor of DV and SA. This is excellent and makes so many points!
Also tbh I haven’t followed much about Taylor Frankie Paul but I feel like this is the story of so many women who get slammed back down once they start to have some kind of cultural ascendency…
100% this! This reminds me of Britney Spears, Amber Heard, Blake Lively....
On and on.
This is another excellent analysis of the relationship between abuse and the patriarchal norms we all live under. Abusing women and children raises the status of men. That is a horror we should all be focused on dismantling. “How are the predators supposed to the protectors? Make it make sense.”
Thanks for pulling together the three threads that some see separately and all connect through patriarchy.
Every time I hear about Epstein and his billionaires I remind myself that in a small town in France nurses, clerks, and dentists recurrently raped an incapacitated woman.
In what ever town you live, including Happy Valley Mormonville, the structures of patriarchy create the conditions for abuse and domination.
Yes! Never forget Gisele Pelicote. It’s not Epstein, it’s not a few bad apples, it’s everywhereeee
This is the part people miss when they talk about leaving high-control religion: you don't just leave a belief system. You leave the infrastructure. The system managed so much: schedule, identity, purpose, community, daily rhythm. And you built your whole family inside it before you were fully formed yourself.
I have six kids and a grandson at 45. Most of my kids have pretty significant special needs. My marriage has been to the edge and back. And for years I could not have left even when I wanted to. Not because I didn't have the courage, but because I had built something so large, so load-bearing, that leaving would have collapsed it onto everyone I loved most.
That's the trap that doesn't get named enough. It's not just financial dependence, though that's real. It's structural dependence. You can't just dismantle the framework when six other people are living inside it.
What changed things for me wasn't fixing the marriage first. It was leaving the church. Removing the external authority didn't remove the weight. But it made room for something real underneath it. That's the part the system never could have given us. Connection that isn't load-bearing is a different thing entirely.
Absolutely on point! Thank you so much for writing and sharing! This means a lot as a survivor of DV and SA. This is excellent and makes so many points!
Oh thanks so much, Ashley! That means a lot and I’m so glad to hear.
This is absolutely unrelated but have you ever written about Big Love?
I have not! But I have written about polygamy :)
Here's a link--there's a whoooole section in the middle: https://matriarchyreport.substack.com/p/ballerina-farm-and-the-rise-of-the?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
As soon as I saw this news I was like... Lane will have fully formed thoughts about this very soon and I cannot wait.
Aw thanks so much Ryan!
It'll be beautiful to find direct correlations between patriarcal societies and domestic violence so we could publish it