I was in a taxi Tuesday morning and the driver told me she wakes up at 4 to drive the cab for a few hours, until 9 a.m. when she starts her real job as an IT consultant, until she picks her 3 year old up from school, brings the kid home, and they go to bed at 7. Her one year old is in Pakistan with his grandmother, because having two kids and two jobs is just too much. I actually thought, "She's so lucky she has her mom to help!" Until I remembered: Her child is 7,000 miles away. That's what constitutes good care in this country. Sending your kid away. SO thank you Lane for calling out the BS on "choice" and for sharing all this other amazing work by women writing about these issues.
This sh*t is heartbreaking and messed up. There are soooo many stories like this all around us. I had a similar convo w a young woman who was my Uber driver who had a baby at home and was stealing time from her own limited sleep hours to drive. I gave her a huge tip and told her to go home and rest but we all need real support and solutions.
I want to say how moved I am to hear all these comments--thank you! And thanks to Lane for giving the space to write this, and fantastic editorial support along the way :)
This was a really beautiful and much needed read, thank you. I wish we lived in a world where having children didn't mean surrendering our souls or agency to protect them because we're the only resource we can access. I've opted not to have them, but I spend time in my own multiverses like the author and I wish I had more real choices and that it was a gentler world.
Oh good heavens. That scene she described on the beach is going to stay with me for a long time. This was my experience: I was the oldest of 5 kids and was the little mama. I am a 40 year old woman with no children of her own because I already raised them. Thank you curating this for us, it's such a gift. I love what your publication brings to the world.
Ah thank you Sarah! It's so kind of you to say so. I also love this piece. It's one of those that makes me "feel jealous" because it's just so good. Sometimes I "feel jealous" of something that I read--this is my first time "feeling jealous" of something that I published! I agree it just captures *so many aspects and so much nuance of our experience that often goes unsaid. I think all of us can find a piece or two of ourselves in here.
POWERFUL. I'll be sitting with and reflecting on this beautiful work for some time, I imagine. Kat has found the words for those drifting feelings and conflicts and truths I've never been able to speak on. Thank you for this one.
Agree. As I was editing and reading this, I found helped me clarify so many of the paradoxes and pressured that I have grappled with and continue to grapple with.
When I had my daughter, or even earlier - when I was pregnant, some friends started addressing me as “mom”: “Awwww, you are a mom now? How’s it feel being a mom?”. “Not great, friend, not great”. I had never realized the weight of this word until then. It’s like I was short of breath and carrying 35kg of bricks in my shoulders, while smiling politely.
Such a beautiful, illuminating and real piece! Thank you so much for putting into words all of my fleeting feelings.
From one “little mother” to another: I see and feel your hurt animal pain. And I too wish for a different circle that could hold all of it. I can feel from your writing that any circle would be better for having you and your big heart inside of it -- on exactly your own terms.
Woof, excuse me while I go cry outside on my deck in 40 degree weather. I feel as the other often, sometimes daily. Mostly I am relieved, and sometimes I am not. Thank you for this.❤️
So much beauty and heartache and truth here. The line “I think: This is my fault.” Wow. Gut punch. How often do I / do we think that exactly, simply. How hard it is not to take on so much of what, in truth, just is.
Thank you Holly!! Yes--and it's not even that it "just is" but it has been handed to us--all these problems and lacks that we didn't choose, but we inherited. And you're so right, our individualistic culture teaches us to take it on as though it's "our fault" when things fail that have been set up to fail by forces much larger than us, often set in place before we arrived on the scene.
Wise and wonderful thoughts, Kat -- so beautifully expressed. I feel as though, throughout my own life, I've been weaving in and outside of that circle: conforming and rebelling, or simply existing differently at times. In this way and in others, I too am a witch. Blessed be!
I was in a taxi Tuesday morning and the driver told me she wakes up at 4 to drive the cab for a few hours, until 9 a.m. when she starts her real job as an IT consultant, until she picks her 3 year old up from school, brings the kid home, and they go to bed at 7. Her one year old is in Pakistan with his grandmother, because having two kids and two jobs is just too much. I actually thought, "She's so lucky she has her mom to help!" Until I remembered: Her child is 7,000 miles away. That's what constitutes good care in this country. Sending your kid away. SO thank you Lane for calling out the BS on "choice" and for sharing all this other amazing work by women writing about these issues.
This sh*t is heartbreaking and messed up. There are soooo many stories like this all around us. I had a similar convo w a young woman who was my Uber driver who had a baby at home and was stealing time from her own limited sleep hours to drive. I gave her a huge tip and told her to go home and rest but we all need real support and solutions.
I want to say how moved I am to hear all these comments--thank you! And thanks to Lane for giving the space to write this, and fantastic editorial support along the way :)
“The truth is: I’m afraid of the mother I might be, and I have chosen not to know.”
Yes, this.
This was a really beautiful and much needed read, thank you. I wish we lived in a world where having children didn't mean surrendering our souls or agency to protect them because we're the only resource we can access. I've opted not to have them, but I spend time in my own multiverses like the author and I wish I had more real choices and that it was a gentler world.
“Surrendering ourselves to protect them bc we are the only resource we can access.” Oof. Thank you this is so well said.
Oh good heavens. That scene she described on the beach is going to stay with me for a long time. This was my experience: I was the oldest of 5 kids and was the little mama. I am a 40 year old woman with no children of her own because I already raised them. Thank you curating this for us, it's such a gift. I love what your publication brings to the world.
Ah thank you Sarah! It's so kind of you to say so. I also love this piece. It's one of those that makes me "feel jealous" because it's just so good. Sometimes I "feel jealous" of something that I read--this is my first time "feeling jealous" of something that I published! I agree it just captures *so many aspects and so much nuance of our experience that often goes unsaid. I think all of us can find a piece or two of ourselves in here.
Beautiful, honest, illuminating piece. Thank you.
POWERFUL. I'll be sitting with and reflecting on this beautiful work for some time, I imagine. Kat has found the words for those drifting feelings and conflicts and truths I've never been able to speak on. Thank you for this one.
Agree. As I was editing and reading this, I found helped me clarify so many of the paradoxes and pressured that I have grappled with and continue to grapple with.
Kat, this is so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Thank you. I understand this and can relate. 🤍
“ To be a witch means to choose the ways you will and won't care for others” just wow
Thank you!!
When I had my daughter, or even earlier - when I was pregnant, some friends started addressing me as “mom”: “Awwww, you are a mom now? How’s it feel being a mom?”. “Not great, friend, not great”. I had never realized the weight of this word until then. It’s like I was short of breath and carrying 35kg of bricks in my shoulders, while smiling politely.
Such a beautiful, illuminating and real piece! Thank you so much for putting into words all of my fleeting feelings.
From one “little mother” to another: I see and feel your hurt animal pain. And I too wish for a different circle that could hold all of it. I can feel from your writing that any circle would be better for having you and your big heart inside of it -- on exactly your own terms.
Woof, excuse me while I go cry outside on my deck in 40 degree weather. I feel as the other often, sometimes daily. Mostly I am relieved, and sometimes I am not. Thank you for this.❤️
So much beauty and heartache and truth here. The line “I think: This is my fault.” Wow. Gut punch. How often do I / do we think that exactly, simply. How hard it is not to take on so much of what, in truth, just is.
Thank you for this post, Kat and Lane.
Thank you Holly!! Yes--and it's not even that it "just is" but it has been handed to us--all these problems and lacks that we didn't choose, but we inherited. And you're so right, our individualistic culture teaches us to take it on as though it's "our fault" when things fail that have been set up to fail by forces much larger than us, often set in place before we arrived on the scene.
Wise and wonderful thoughts, Kat -- so beautifully expressed. I feel as though, throughout my own life, I've been weaving in and outside of that circle: conforming and rebelling, or simply existing differently at times. In this way and in others, I too am a witch. Blessed be!