Would you choose a bear over a woman in the woods? Of course not. A love letter to the women who keep our lives together and remain stalwartly not creepy.
So true for me too. So many of the places I have loved — school, work, adventures — I have loved because of the dear true friends who were part of those places along with me. Shocking that patriarchy continues keep its boot on our necks, breaking us all apart.
I frequently reflect on the studies that show the key to a man’s mental health is close relationship to a woman/women. AND key to women’s mental health? Close female friendships. I’m equal parts annoyed (like must we do everything for everyone??) and heart warmed (aww women!) by this
I was chatting to my husband (of nearly twenty years) the other day that my friend Kristen, bestie since kindergarten, is the most impactful relationship of my life. Obviously my marriage is immense, but she was formative in a way that he was just too late to be. And needed those years to grow up. But even though we live hours apart and have since we graduated high school, knowing that she was there, being able to talk for hours on the phone, empowered me. It made me brave and confident. It liberated me. Both by her example and her being…like…a safety net. Move 6,000 miles from home to a place I’ve never been and know not a soul? That’s ok. I already have a bestie. It also set a baseline for how I’d be treated by bye friends-and lovers. I don’t need to put up with anything less than interesting and good because I already have a bestie. Anyway, raise a glass to besties.
Thank you for sharing I LOVE this. Friends as safety nets, security, a baseline for what you deserve. YES. So many things here we don’t acknowledge that we get from other women. I love this for you and for her, what a gift ❤️
I'm 81 and I agree that women friends are the best. My women friends keep developing themselves, so conversations stay stimulating and alive. They are loyal and see the best in me and support my potential to keep growing.
I especially liked reading that when you felt you belonged at Skyline, you could try new things. The sense of belonging makes such a difference.
Love this so much! My community of girlfriends/sisters has been the constant my whole life and carried me through whatever storm comes my way. Also I can see how much it influences and creates a community of love for my kids as they grow up and feel surrounded by so many kick-ass women and aunties (biological or not) in their lives.
> “ If you gave me two women, we could probably take the bear and/or the dude. And that’s the point—women can be counted on when men can’t—to hold your hand, to take care of your kid, to not harass you, to not steal your time by expecting you to do housework or childcare or laundry for them.
> Or just you know, generally not threatening or physically harming you, or being murder-y or rape-y. Which is a good basis for a lasting relationship.”
So true for me too. So many of the places I have loved — school, work, adventures — I have loved because of the dear true friends who were part of those places along with me. Shocking that patriarchy continues keep its boot on our necks, breaking us all apart.
This last part is such a good point—esp given the strength of female bonds !
I frequently reflect on the studies that show the key to a man’s mental health is close relationship to a woman/women. AND key to women’s mental health? Close female friendships. I’m equal parts annoyed (like must we do everything for everyone??) and heart warmed (aww women!) by this
Weird, almost like everyone needs intimacy and social bonds, and patriarchal gender roles are bad for men too?? 😉
Despite the men, bears, etc I’m glad to be in the group that was socialized to experience human warmth ❤️
Same. Same.
Thx for reading, Celeste!
I was chatting to my husband (of nearly twenty years) the other day that my friend Kristen, bestie since kindergarten, is the most impactful relationship of my life. Obviously my marriage is immense, but she was formative in a way that he was just too late to be. And needed those years to grow up. But even though we live hours apart and have since we graduated high school, knowing that she was there, being able to talk for hours on the phone, empowered me. It made me brave and confident. It liberated me. Both by her example and her being…like…a safety net. Move 6,000 miles from home to a place I’ve never been and know not a soul? That’s ok. I already have a bestie. It also set a baseline for how I’d be treated by bye friends-and lovers. I don’t need to put up with anything less than interesting and good because I already have a bestie. Anyway, raise a glass to besties.
Thank you for sharing I LOVE this. Friends as safety nets, security, a baseline for what you deserve. YES. So many things here we don’t acknowledge that we get from other women. I love this for you and for her, what a gift ❤️
I'm 81 and I agree that women friends are the best. My women friends keep developing themselves, so conversations stay stimulating and alive. They are loyal and see the best in me and support my potential to keep growing.
I especially liked reading that when you felt you belonged at Skyline, you could try new things. The sense of belonging makes such a difference.
I love this so much, Ani! This is goals for me as I enter the second half of life. Thank you for showing us the way.
I think about belonging a lot. It’s really important and increasingly elusive, isn’t it?
Love this so much! My community of girlfriends/sisters has been the constant my whole life and carried me through whatever storm comes my way. Also I can see how much it influences and creates a community of love for my kids as they grow up and feel surrounded by so many kick-ass women and aunties (biological or not) in their lives.
Yes, great point Celeste! The women in our lives also create a "community of love" for our whole families. The best.
Well said! And I totally agree. Women need women. Supportive, kind, and the ones who will show up right when you need it!
Amen, sister. Esp those of us with small children !
This is great:
> “ If you gave me two women, we could probably take the bear and/or the dude. And that’s the point—women can be counted on when men can’t—to hold your hand, to take care of your kid, to not harass you, to not steal your time by expecting you to do housework or childcare or laundry for them.
> Or just you know, generally not threatening or physically harming you, or being murder-y or rape-y. Which is a good basis for a lasting relationship.”
Thank you Jer! It takes a real man to get the bear vs. man argument!! Your daughters are indeed lucky to have you :)
I would take the bear over another man, any day, I can relate.
I know you do, and that’s why you’re the best ❤️