We can't say this enough!! This piece says exactly what we need to remember -- assaults on feminism are assaults are *true* family-values. The biggest success of the right wing was taking this idea and running with it -- that somehow feminist values undermine families. It's gaslighting at a societal scale. But I relate to the concern your friend raised: I have a "I heart Moms" sweatshirt I wear (bought as a fundraiser for a maternal health group) and I sometime fear that people will read it as some kind of conservative, pro-natalist (and therefore anti-abortion!) statement. This is the victory of the right -- to take being a mom away from the provenance of being a feminist. It's heartbreaking.
As a feminist who has been supporting women's rights since the '60s, the only reason women have any rights is because of the feminists! But the men sure have been able to make the word, feminist, into a curse word. I got sole custody of my three daughters in '81. Ex chose not to pay court-ordered child support. Family home was ordered to be sold. The judge told me to get a job, that my education was a luxury I couldn't afford. I put myself through college, while working and raising my kids, regardless, graduating Magna cum Laude. My daughters went on to put themselves through college, since my paycheck was still paltry. They are a veterinarian, a medical doctor and a corporate senior manager. And yet, my oldest daughter, the DVM, in private practice, does not consider herself a feminist and, in fact, denigrates feminists and the word, feminist. She had my only two grandchildren. The doc has no children and my youngest doesn't either and has a wife. All of this made possible by feminists snd the policies I've fought for my whole life. Go figure!
Wow, thanks for sharing! Must be incredibly frustrating. I was definitely raised w some anti-feminist ideas and then took the opposite path of one of your daughters. I wonder what influenced her to anti feminism ? Feminism certainly hasn’t been as inclusive as it could/should be, esp for poc.
But blaming it for our current problems is pretty mind boggling to me…
It’s weird how some people think that because they chose to stay home with their kids, that makes feminism somehow redundant or actively harmful to them - like, the point of feminism is choice!! We get to choose because of feminism, not on spite of it.
This is exactly what I’ve responded with in these convos lately!
I do think it’s worth thinking about how feminism frames itself/its messaging to bring people like this over. I def have friends and readers that are SAHP and do feel like feminism is their jam!
I do also see how perhaps mainstream Western feminism has put more value in paid work and in women pursuing careers, than in carework and domestic work. I understand why that is, of course. But perhaps we need to more explicitly reclaim carework as feminist too.
I home educate my kids and I was a SAHM before that. I do a little bit of work from home too. And I’m absolutely a feminist! I don’t see what I do as antithetical to feminism at all - in fact, the way I raise my children IS a feminist act.
💯!! Love it. You might be able to speak to this! I do wonder if the “tradwife” discourse has created confusion? I think if you’re not following the discourse it can be easy to confuse “tradwife” references to mean “SAHM.”
Omg yes, absolutely. I’ve written a bit about tradwives and how easy it is to confuse what some of us do with what they are doing - on the outside, it can look very similar. But when you dig deeper, it’s absolutely not the same. But I think soooo many feminists or potential feminists are enchanted by this idea of slowing down, stepping outside of hustle culture, etc - all things that can seem really appealing, in theory. So much to say on this!!
So true! And life circumstances and people’s own preferences can change over time. Having flexibility and support for different choices is good for everyone now and also our future selves!
We can't say this enough!! This piece says exactly what we need to remember -- assaults on feminism are assaults are *true* family-values. The biggest success of the right wing was taking this idea and running with it -- that somehow feminist values undermine families. It's gaslighting at a societal scale. But I relate to the concern your friend raised: I have a "I heart Moms" sweatshirt I wear (bought as a fundraiser for a maternal health group) and I sometime fear that people will read it as some kind of conservative, pro-natalist (and therefore anti-abortion!) statement. This is the victory of the right -- to take being a mom away from the provenance of being a feminist. It's heartbreaking.
Assaults on feminism are the true assaults on family values 💯
As a feminist who has been supporting women's rights since the '60s, the only reason women have any rights is because of the feminists! But the men sure have been able to make the word, feminist, into a curse word. I got sole custody of my three daughters in '81. Ex chose not to pay court-ordered child support. Family home was ordered to be sold. The judge told me to get a job, that my education was a luxury I couldn't afford. I put myself through college, while working and raising my kids, regardless, graduating Magna cum Laude. My daughters went on to put themselves through college, since my paycheck was still paltry. They are a veterinarian, a medical doctor and a corporate senior manager. And yet, my oldest daughter, the DVM, in private practice, does not consider herself a feminist and, in fact, denigrates feminists and the word, feminist. She had my only two grandchildren. The doc has no children and my youngest doesn't either and has a wife. All of this made possible by feminists snd the policies I've fought for my whole life. Go figure!
Wow, thanks for sharing! Must be incredibly frustrating. I was definitely raised w some anti-feminist ideas and then took the opposite path of one of your daughters. I wonder what influenced her to anti feminism ? Feminism certainly hasn’t been as inclusive as it could/should be, esp for poc.
But blaming it for our current problems is pretty mind boggling to me…
She's not anti-feminist. She just dislikes the word, feminist, even though she actually is a feminist! LOL
My favourite definition of "feminist" comes from the British writer Caitlin Moran.
"Do you have a vagina? And do you want to be in charge of it? If so, congratulations! You're a feminist!"
(I know it's a LITTLE more complicated than that, lol. But it's a good starting point!)
Def a good starting point 😅
Ha! I mean…take the win? :)
It’s weird how some people think that because they chose to stay home with their kids, that makes feminism somehow redundant or actively harmful to them - like, the point of feminism is choice!! We get to choose because of feminism, not on spite of it.
This is exactly what I’ve responded with in these convos lately!
I do think it’s worth thinking about how feminism frames itself/its messaging to bring people like this over. I def have friends and readers that are SAHP and do feel like feminism is their jam!
I do also see how perhaps mainstream Western feminism has put more value in paid work and in women pursuing careers, than in carework and domestic work. I understand why that is, of course. But perhaps we need to more explicitly reclaim carework as feminist too.
I home educate my kids and I was a SAHM before that. I do a little bit of work from home too. And I’m absolutely a feminist! I don’t see what I do as antithetical to feminism at all - in fact, the way I raise my children IS a feminist act.
💯!! Love it. You might be able to speak to this! I do wonder if the “tradwife” discourse has created confusion? I think if you’re not following the discourse it can be easy to confuse “tradwife” references to mean “SAHM.”
Omg yes, absolutely. I’ve written a bit about tradwives and how easy it is to confuse what some of us do with what they are doing - on the outside, it can look very similar. But when you dig deeper, it’s absolutely not the same. But I think soooo many feminists or potential feminists are enchanted by this idea of slowing down, stepping outside of hustle culture, etc - all things that can seem really appealing, in theory. So much to say on this!!
So true! And life circumstances and people’s own preferences can change over time. Having flexibility and support for different choices is good for everyone now and also our future selves!
Thx Daphne! :)
That’s MAGA GOP bullshit.
💯
This, all of this 🙌
Thank you Jessina! :)
You're welcome!