"Patriarchy creates crises and then tries to sell itself as the solution to those crises." This is the most horrifying kind of gaslighting that way too many of us can't see through -- thanks for making it so clear!
When I was in high school, I was a "teen leader" for a Catholic youth conference (this one, actually: https://steubenvilleconferences.com/). We had a week of "training" before the conference, and at the beginning of the week, the boys started cleaning up the girls' plates after lunch, as an act of service. The next day, we tried to clean up their plates, as a return act of service. Guess what? Women are not allowed to clean up after men as an act of service! When men clean up after women, it is a gift, and by trying to return it in kind, we were told, we were throwing it back in their faces and being ungrateful. We were welcome to find a way to show Christ's love to the boys, but it had to be something else.
In other words, women cleaning up after men is normal, and men cleaning up after women is a sacrifice. All those boys had to do was throw a bunch of paper plates in the trash and they were godly, but if we'd done it, that would have been saying the quiet part out loud.
I don't even remember what we did to *show Christ's love* to those boys, but they cleaned up our plates every single day, and even then, without being able to put it into words, it was so gross how proud they were of themselves for doing such a terrible feminine chore, and how much they were praised for it, and how terrible the leaders made us girls feel for trying to clean up after them.
UGHHH. Benevolent patriarchy is such a tricky minx. I believed that they had my best intentions for so long, until I stepped out of formation and in no uncertain terms they told me to step back in line.
The scene you shared from the Bishop interview is chilling. He absolutely had access to the kind of funds that could keep you on your feet and help you afford that safe housing. And he held out on you. 🤬
I actually didn't expect that from them--although I guess why not? But I did expect them to not try to take cash from me right at that moment. I don't even think that particular person was trying to be mean, they were just following a script. And, this tells you a lot about the script!
Vance just comes off as ‘you can calm down mam, I’ve got this situation.’ Been there done that if someone has the audacity to tell me to calm down, my witch switch has been flipped. It’s just a patriarchal thing to say and assume.
Forgive me but the whole thing is sick and disgusting. Men have no right to subject women to their idea of societal standards. The freedom to choose one’s own way in life is a universal human right, which cannot be abridged by any man made restrictions. My parents instilled this belief in me from an early age and it’s a cornerstone of my life.
Patriarchy is a pernicious and pervasive disease of humankind, but in the end it will fail, because it is essentially unadaptable to an egalitarian society.
It will take time, but the die is cast and the arc of history will finally bend towards human rights for all, and usher in a more just and loving world of true equality.
"Patriarchy creates crises and then tries to sell itself as the solution to those crises." This is the most horrifying kind of gaslighting that way too many of us can't see through -- thanks for making it so clear!
When I was in high school, I was a "teen leader" for a Catholic youth conference (this one, actually: https://steubenvilleconferences.com/). We had a week of "training" before the conference, and at the beginning of the week, the boys started cleaning up the girls' plates after lunch, as an act of service. The next day, we tried to clean up their plates, as a return act of service. Guess what? Women are not allowed to clean up after men as an act of service! When men clean up after women, it is a gift, and by trying to return it in kind, we were told, we were throwing it back in their faces and being ungrateful. We were welcome to find a way to show Christ's love to the boys, but it had to be something else.
In other words, women cleaning up after men is normal, and men cleaning up after women is a sacrifice. All those boys had to do was throw a bunch of paper plates in the trash and they were godly, but if we'd done it, that would have been saying the quiet part out loud.
I don't even remember what we did to *show Christ's love* to those boys, but they cleaned up our plates every single day, and even then, without being able to put it into words, it was so gross how proud they were of themselves for doing such a terrible feminine chore, and how much they were praised for it, and how terrible the leaders made us girls feel for trying to clean up after them.
Wow wow yes. This is such a great metaphor/image. thank you for sharing!
UGHHH. Benevolent patriarchy is such a tricky minx. I believed that they had my best intentions for so long, until I stepped out of formation and in no uncertain terms they told me to step back in line.
The scene you shared from the Bishop interview is chilling. He absolutely had access to the kind of funds that could keep you on your feet and help you afford that safe housing. And he held out on you. 🤬
I actually didn't expect that from them--although I guess why not? But I did expect them to not try to take cash from me right at that moment. I don't even think that particular person was trying to be mean, they were just following a script. And, this tells you a lot about the script!
That seems like an inopportune time to shake the money tree! Right, they don't seem to have a lot of freedom to deviate from the script.
You summed it up perfectly. Your abusers are your protectors ladies. Now that’s some f’ed up shit.
Indeed it is!
This is so so excellent! Thank you for being as pissed off as we all need to be. I can’t stand watching that fathead lie and squirm.
Thanks so much, Carley! It really means a lot coming from you.
Vance just comes off as ‘you can calm down mam, I’ve got this situation.’ Been there done that if someone has the audacity to tell me to calm down, my witch switch has been flipped. It’s just a patriarchal thing to say and assume.
Vance is a bankrupt slick con artist and very dangerous.
When his wife walked on, I flashed to the Dallas soap operas of the 80s.
Thanks for this piece Lane.
Ha! The Dallas reference! Thanks for your apt description, here Ani :)
Forgive me but the whole thing is sick and disgusting. Men have no right to subject women to their idea of societal standards. The freedom to choose one’s own way in life is a universal human right, which cannot be abridged by any man made restrictions. My parents instilled this belief in me from an early age and it’s a cornerstone of my life.
Patriarchy is a pernicious and pervasive disease of humankind, but in the end it will fail, because it is essentially unadaptable to an egalitarian society.
It will take time, but the die is cast and the arc of history will finally bend towards human rights for all, and usher in a more just and loving world of true equality.
Best
Fred