I’m used to having feelings on Mother’s Day, but this year I found myself having feelings on Father’s Day, too.
Maybe it’s because I write a lot about gender inequity in the home. Maybe it’s because so many women are now forced to become mothers against their will, and in 100% of those cases a man is responsible. But the men who cause pregnancies may never have to be “fathers” against their will.
They often get off scot-free in a legal system that restricts and weaponizes women’s sexual reproduction, but not men’s.
I admire many feminist men and fathers who are pulling their weight and trying to change the narrative, including my own partner. And yet the notion of “fathers” and what that means in our culture right now feels pretty weighted.
So when I came across a viral video-satire Father’s Day PSA produced by comedian and television host W. Kamau Bell that invites dads to join the fight for bodily autonomy, I was instantly like, THIS IS THE FATHER’S DAY CONTENT WE NEED RIGHT NOW.
I immediately sent it to a half dozen friends with the caption: “THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.”
In the PSA, Bell introduces himself as a “Noted Feminist” and says:
“Dad does so much for the family. This Father’s Day, give him what he really needs. Not a home brewing kit. Not socks. Give him safe and legal access to abortion.”
After a record scratch and a freeze screen of a dad’s confused face, he goes on to explain:
“Dads, if you’ve ever had sex and not had a kid, it’s likely birth control or abortion that played a role. We’re used to not having to think about it. But nobody ever got pregnant from a vibrator!”
Then he continues to drop facts and truth bombs that are just…chef’s kiss:
-He explains that while he has paid $213 for birth control in his lifetime in the form of condoms, his wife has paid over $17,538 and counting for birth control, Ob-gyn visits, and IUDs.
(In the video, the cost factor of having another kid registers on a dad’s face, and is the info that really gets his attention. Accurate.)
-Bellnotes there’s no mention of abortion in the Bible, and also no mention in the Supreme Court decision overturning Roe as to how the state will help these families who are forced into having children.
“It’s almost like it’s a way for a few fragile men to use religion to control our bodies” a woman with great eyeliner wisely ponders on screen.
-Bell points out that child-rearing and parenting are a JOB that require WORK. “Ask any parent—parenting is a job. A wonderful, very difficult job,” he says, lifting one of his own small daughters.
“And since when does America force anybody to do a job against their will without paying them by controlling their body? (Ohhh….right.)”
The video ends with an invitation to Dads and men to join the fight for bodily autonomy because it CLEARLY benefits them and they have a lot to lose.
“As we celebrate Father’s Day, let’s also celebrate birth control, abortion, and bodily autonomy. Because man, have we benefitted from those!”
I loved this video x1 million, but it also has me thinking: Why HAVEN’T more dads and men in our lives joined this fight, as we reach the two year anniversary since Roe was overturned and the consequences are DIRE. Or have they?
The framing of this PSA as directed to dads is genius, and it’s obvious that they stand to lose a lot not only if their own wives can’t get abortions, but also if their daughter’s can’t. Why isn’t that obvious to more men? Are the men in your life on board, or do they still see it as a “women’s issue” that they can sit out?
Paid subscriptions and gift subscriptions keep this work going, starting at just $5 a month using the link below, and give you unlimited to access to MR posts, archives, and subscriber chats. Thank you for reading, and thank you for being here!
MATRIARCHY REPORT is written by Lane Anderson and Allison Lichter.
Lane Anderson is a writer, journalist, and Clinical Associate Professor at NYU who has won fellowships and many SPJ awards for her writing on inequality and family social issues. She has an MFA from Columbia University. She was raised in Utah and lives in New York City with her partner and young daughter.
Allison Lichter is an associate dean at the Newmark Graduate School of Journalism at the City University of New York. She has been a writer, producer and editor for radio and print, covering the arts, politics, and the workplace. She was born and raised in Queens, and lives in Brooklyn with her partner and daughter.
This vid is GOLD! Also as a feminist masculinity researcher, I’m dying to know why more men aren’t getting involved. This ENRAGES me (it’s largely what’s motivated my research career). I’ve got my ideas (lack of civic engagement generally, can’t “go against” other men since it betrays the precarious, false threads of intimacy and male solidarity that patriarchy pretends to promise, they don’t “need” to care and, in fact, caring about something-ANYTHING is vulnerable and vulnerability in any way is anathema to trad. masc norms, etc) and am curious to hear from others (esp men-you know, aaaaallllll the men that are also reading this feminist parenting Substack). But seriously-PLLLLEEEAASSSSEEE CARE AND TELL US WHY YOU AND YOUR DUDES DONT SHOW UP!!!!
YES, YES, YES! These are my same questions and if your research reveals answers, please DM me immediately! I have similar questions. Is it because they buy into the myth that patriarchy benefits them (although it hurts everyone including men), is it because the movement is "feminized" and therefore unappealing to them? Is it because they (perhaps subconsciously) feel that controlling women's bodies/patriarchy does give them a bit of superiority?
I actually love your vulnerability theory! "Caring about something-ANYTHING is vulnerable and vulnerability in any way is anathema to trad. masc norms, etc)." Totally makes sense esp in light of how many men are uncomfortably with/shirk CARE work.
So great! It never fails to relax my heart a little to see a man fighting publicly for feminism. I first read Gabrielle Blair’s Twitter thread like 6 years ago and I’m STILL REELING from how I had never until that moment thought to hold men responsible for unwanted pregnancies. Whhhaaaaaaaa 😩
This vid is GOLD! Also as a feminist masculinity researcher, I’m dying to know why more men aren’t getting involved. This ENRAGES me (it’s largely what’s motivated my research career). I’ve got my ideas (lack of civic engagement generally, can’t “go against” other men since it betrays the precarious, false threads of intimacy and male solidarity that patriarchy pretends to promise, they don’t “need” to care and, in fact, caring about something-ANYTHING is vulnerable and vulnerability in any way is anathema to trad. masc norms, etc) and am curious to hear from others (esp men-you know, aaaaallllll the men that are also reading this feminist parenting Substack). But seriously-PLLLLEEEAASSSSEEE CARE AND TELL US WHY YOU AND YOUR DUDES DONT SHOW UP!!!!
YES, YES, YES! These are my same questions and if your research reveals answers, please DM me immediately! I have similar questions. Is it because they buy into the myth that patriarchy benefits them (although it hurts everyone including men), is it because the movement is "feminized" and therefore unappealing to them? Is it because they (perhaps subconsciously) feel that controlling women's bodies/patriarchy does give them a bit of superiority?
I actually love your vulnerability theory! "Caring about something-ANYTHING is vulnerable and vulnerability in any way is anathema to trad. masc norms, etc)." Totally makes sense esp in light of how many men are uncomfortably with/shirk CARE work.
Tell me what you learn!!
So great! It never fails to relax my heart a little to see a man fighting publicly for feminism. I first read Gabrielle Blair’s Twitter thread like 6 years ago and I’m STILL REELING from how I had never until that moment thought to hold men responsible for unwanted pregnancies. Whhhaaaaaaaa 😩
I had the VERY same reaction!! Like HOW have we been tricked into taking responsibility for this?!!
A uni student of mine recently did a research paper on male birth control and it’s v convincing. Like it should 100% be a thing !
Oh 100%. Design Mom has me CONVINCED!
genius, thanks for sharing this video!
Glad you enjoyed it!
THANKS for this this great video. I forwarded it.
And thanks for your commentary. Just as people of color need white allies; women need male allies.
This is exactly what the video producers said too, Ani!! Thx and thx for reading :)
Thanks for bringing this video in my life! "Nobody ever got pregnant from a vibrator": Words to remember.
Isn't it?? More of this, please!