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It was a hard conversation: the systems Yarrow describes leave many people without much agency over scary decisions they have to make at very vulnerable moments.
She reports on the overuse of fetal heart monitors, excessive and unnecessary pelvic exams and other ways in which birthing people remain marginalized in their own experience of pregnancy.
“Assault, disguised as care,” one midwife called it.
Many of our comments, and the emails and texts we received about the interview included people’s stories of being dismissed and denigrated while receiving medical care.
One reader asked: “How would you have felt reading this while pregnant?” Well, scared, I thought. Confused about how to handle my own situation. Also, maybe, empowered?
My conversation with Allison Yarrow included some terrific examples of practices that are meant to center the experience of the birthing person, including the “gentle C-section” and the use of a simple whiteboard to keep track of the progress of labor.
And she provides tons of evidence for the benefit of doula support, and midwives model of care.
So I’m wondering, What are ways you felt supported through your experience of pregnancy and birth, if you’ve had that experience? What were instances where you didn’t feel that way — and how did you cope?
Beyond pregnancy and birth, how have you taken care of yourself through challenging health care situations?
I’ll start: This isn’t an birth-related incident but it happened just a few months ago, and is tied to the latest women’s health event in my life: menopause.
I saw a specialist not long for some blood work related to bone density. As he was drawing blood, we started talking about colleges, and he told me that when he had gone to an all-men’s college the students “were mostly healthy.” But, he continued, when his school became co-ed in the 1970s, long after he graduated, he served as a medical advisor, and the students “started having all these social issues, like eating disorders,” he said. He saw this as a problem, which he attributed to “the breakdown of the traditional family structure.”
He said all this while taking blood, so I could not get up to leave, because he had stuck a needle in my arm.
(This reminded me of a time when I was 20 and when in for a physical, and, as the exam began, the doctor stuck a tongue depressor in my mouth. “That will shut you up for minute,” he said. Nothing like using the tools of your trade to keep your patients trapped and silent.)
On the up side: I wrote immediately to my wonderful gynecologist about this. She was horrified and filed a complaint on my behalf. She won’t refer to him again, of course, and she followed up with me to see how I was doing after the experience.
Simply to be seen by your care provider — simply to be heard through a hard experience: that felt huge.
Tell us: What supported you during your experience of birth, pregnancy or other health care?
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Tongue depression anecdote, ack!!!!! So many gross experiences, mostly with male doctors thinking they knew and they could 'fix' me (best one: male radiologist hubristically shoving various tools into my body while simultaneously saying I should be "so glad that I found him" and then NOT solving my problem); but my female OB was readying a C-section room/telling me it was "now or never" and it was her male resident, Dr. Jain, who stayed with me in the room and listened to me when I said I could deliver this kiddo and helped massage my child's head out into the world. So it doesn't fall easily along gender lines, but it does most of the time ;)
That tongue depressor anecdote! Unbelievable--ugh I'm sorry that happened to you. Since reading this from you and @Allison Yarrow I keep thinking of the gross things that have happened to me in Dr. offices and medical settings. But I like this framing bc it's true I've had some empowering moments when my care went well and it really means a lot. I had to advocate A LOT in the hospital to avoid an automatic c-section but my provider supported me and that was very meaningful to me! Also a moment with a fertility specialist who pulled me aside when she didn't have to and had a straight talk moment with me where she was really trying to help me out is one of my favorite feminist solidarity moments of my life and I like to re-tell it. And I almost forget that it was in a medical setting, which, you're right, somehow makes it even more meaningful. Also gonna note that both of these interactions were with female-identifying doctors :)
I choose female providers as much as possible because I know will be more comfortable talking honestly with them. I was lucky enough to have a midwife-physician practice in my area and covered by my insurance for the birth. I saw the midwives most of the time though technically an unseen doctor monitored my care. I chose a hospital birth with them, home birth felt messy, birth center was expensive. The on call midwife from my practice assisted my birth with nurses. Because I was fortunate enough to not need medical intervention, I never saw an OB. I still had a couple of pelvic exams, some EFM, a “just in case” IV placed, and consented breaking of waters. But the experience felt like it was safe and about giving me the support I needed to do what I needed to do. I agree that more midwives and doulas can revolutionize maternal healthcare in the US.
Tongue depression anecdote, ack!!!!! So many gross experiences, mostly with male doctors thinking they knew and they could 'fix' me (best one: male radiologist hubristically shoving various tools into my body while simultaneously saying I should be "so glad that I found him" and then NOT solving my problem); but my female OB was readying a C-section room/telling me it was "now or never" and it was her male resident, Dr. Jain, who stayed with me in the room and listened to me when I said I could deliver this kiddo and helped massage my child's head out into the world. So it doesn't fall easily along gender lines, but it does most of the time ;)
That tongue depressor anecdote! Unbelievable--ugh I'm sorry that happened to you. Since reading this from you and @Allison Yarrow I keep thinking of the gross things that have happened to me in Dr. offices and medical settings. But I like this framing bc it's true I've had some empowering moments when my care went well and it really means a lot. I had to advocate A LOT in the hospital to avoid an automatic c-section but my provider supported me and that was very meaningful to me! Also a moment with a fertility specialist who pulled me aside when she didn't have to and had a straight talk moment with me where she was really trying to help me out is one of my favorite feminist solidarity moments of my life and I like to re-tell it. And I almost forget that it was in a medical setting, which, you're right, somehow makes it even more meaningful. Also gonna note that both of these interactions were with female-identifying doctors :)
I choose female providers as much as possible because I know will be more comfortable talking honestly with them. I was lucky enough to have a midwife-physician practice in my area and covered by my insurance for the birth. I saw the midwives most of the time though technically an unseen doctor monitored my care. I chose a hospital birth with them, home birth felt messy, birth center was expensive. The on call midwife from my practice assisted my birth with nurses. Because I was fortunate enough to not need medical intervention, I never saw an OB. I still had a couple of pelvic exams, some EFM, a “just in case” IV placed, and consented breaking of waters. But the experience felt like it was safe and about giving me the support I needed to do what I needed to do. I agree that more midwives and doulas can revolutionize maternal healthcare in the US.